New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
