matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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