I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I would ride that face into the sunset
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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