We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
