the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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