i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
