Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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