If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
