i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
