It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
