Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
