dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Pooping to opera.
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