I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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