She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
