There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
