i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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