I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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