TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
