My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
