his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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