He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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