I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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