Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
