WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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