one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
