Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
