We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
