Your tits are I can't wait for
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
