This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
