i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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