Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
