don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Randomize
