In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
