the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
