As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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