Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
