She's JV to your varsity
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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