My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
