you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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