i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
