I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
