I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
