i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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