I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
