Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize