I think I won the penis lottery.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
