if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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