You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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