is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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