I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
