Don't make out with my wife yet
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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