i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
