The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
