thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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