Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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