so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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