He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
