Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
