We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
