my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
