My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
