If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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