Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
