Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
