please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
