did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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