my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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