Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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