Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
