All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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