he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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